Final Questions from Sermon 4 on Same-sex marriage

Here’s a few lingering questions from the message I shared two Sundays ago on same-sex marriage. These questions came in via text during the sermon:

Is it wrong to have a best friend who is homosexual?

No. Jesus was called a friend of sinners. I would ask how are you using your friendship to help your friend either come to know Christ or repent of his or her sin?

Do you believe god will eventually “change” all homosexuals in his own time if we are not able to reach them?

No. Homosexuality is like any other sin. God will not force people to live rightly. We must choose to repent and embrace righteousness. That sounds a whole lot easier than it is because many sins are tied to real challenging circumstances. For example, some homosexuality is tied to growing up in a home with a very domineering mother. As a young adult, you can’t change the environment of your home. With that said, you can change whether or not you respond to the urge for same-sex relationships. There are many examples of homosexuals who repented, found help and support from Christian friends, and found rewarding and enjoyable heterosexual relationships.

Is it wrong to be a homophobic?

Yes. Homocautious – no. I would caution anyone about hanging around someone practicing any kind of sin. Is it wrong to have a fear of drug addicts or child abusers or habitual liars? The problem with being afraid of homosexuals is that they need love, encouragement, support, and prayer. We cannot help someone overcome something if we are afraid of them. If homophobic means “gay bashers,” then is not just wrong it is terribly wrong. John 3:16 says God so loved the world. This means that if we are going to be like God, we too must love the world, including homosexuals.

Is it wrong to vote for a political leader who supports same sex marriage?

This is obviously your personal decision. I will tell you that I base my vote on Proverbs 14:34 – “Righteousness exalts a nation, but sin condemns any people.” I chose to vote for politicians that will help us to be a righteous nation. For me, that means I do not want to vote for someone that upholds immorality in any form, supports abortion, promotes injustice, denies civil rights, etc. It is interesting that the Bible does not say a balanced budget exalts a nation or even a healthy military exalts a nation. It is righteousness that exalts a nation. That’s just me. You have to decide for yourself. I’m not a Republican or a Democrat. I seek God’s will as best I can and vote for the men and women who will best help us move toward righteousness.

So are you saying that gay people are not happy?

No. I think they are deceived. Some of them are confused. Some are miserable, but some are happy. Let’s face it. Sin can be a lot of fun…at first. It won’t be fun when they face a holy God who specifically said it is immoral.


  • Anon

    I know a lot of homosexual people who are much more happier now than they were before. Isn’t it better for them to be happy and at peace with themselves? I mean, if you say homosexuality is wrong, then they would be very miserable trying to fit into the heterosexual mold. How is that right?

    • timriordan

      I really appreciate this comment and the openness and honesty with which this person expressed him or herself. I too know some homosexual people who appear to be happy. I need to first of all say that God said homosexuality is a sin, not me. I do think we first need to ask whether or not God’s opinion on any issue really matters. I also know that when I sin, I’m happy too…at first. I might could even be happy for a lifetime if I’m deceived enough. Regarding the second sentence/question. Is it really better to be happy than holy? I think we will find that real happiness comes from peace with God. I would like to eat three bowls of ice-cream a night (chocolate chip cookie dough), and that would certainly make me happy, that is until I die prematurely from heart disease that was caused by obesity. I think it is important to say that just because we want to do something doesn’t mean we should do it. Just because I’m inclined to eat ice-cream at night before going to bed and because I have a disposition to do so, does not mean I should give in and do it. I really don’t think it is the heterosexual mold God is interested in as much as the holiness mold. Liberals will baulk at this next statement but I will say it anyway: I do think homosexuals can be helped to overcome this tendency toward same-sex attraction. I say that upon the authority of God’s word. He did not make us to be gay. Those who are gay are products of a broken world. I do not think a person would be miserable right in the center of God’s will. Real misery comes when we live outside of his will and openly rebel against His word.

      • Anonymous

        I wanted to share MY personal experience ONLY. I spent 15 years in the gay lifestyle and have been living outside that for over 4 years now. Prior to living in the gay lifestyle, I lived in the hetorosexual lifestyle.

        My past consisted of an abusive (physical, mental, emotional and sexual) alcoholic father, being molested by a cousin when I was 12 and my mother not believing me when I told her and telling me it was my fault (it was not my fault) . It consisted of way too much drinking, using drugs and doing anything I wanted (my own choices). I was raped at 17 and full of hate, anger and rage because of it all.
        I had a tramendous fear of men and trusted no one. I was alone, fearful, had no self esteem, and no self confidence, after all I thought I was disposable with no value and attempted suicide.

        So when I was accepted into seminary (and graduated) after 2 years and I got married at 26. I thought I was happy and on top of the world. I thought this is who I was. However, my past and life’s everyday challenges started to creep up again. Those very same issues I struggled with as I mentioned above had never really gone away (although I thought they had and I believed with all my heart I was happy).

        So after I left the church ministry, and my marriage fell apart, I found myself once again feeling the same way I had before and wondering where I fit in once again. I found myself in the gay lifestyle, why did I change, what made the difference? I was accepted no matter what, I was not lonely anymore, I was told I had value, and so my anger, rage, and fear subsided once again. I belonged and it felt good. I had a partner who said she loved me and that was great. I didn’t have to fight through my own issues (even thought I had no idea how to get through them), they just seemed to go away. I once again thought I was happy, on top of the world and had found my place.

        Then again, those same issues came rolling back into my life. But this time it had other things tagging along. Things like tramendous shame and guilt that was like a black cloud over my head. I could not step foot in a church (church I had once preached in) as I found myself paralized with shame and guilt, with fear of rejection and embarrassment. I had read the scriptures and for me, it was clear. I didn’t like it, I didn’t want it to be that way and I was angry because it was. So where did all my happiness go (again), where was the freedom I thought I had, it seemed to all disappear AGAIN.

        Finally, I was at my end (having wasted 25 years of my life), I just told God that He had to help me, bring someone or something into my life to help me if I was going to make it. He did just that, one miracle at a time over the last 4 years. I still stand in awe over His working in my life once I asked and was willing to receive. I do fit in this time, into God’s family, into His church and He is working in my life.

        Do I still struggle with these things? YES, YES I DO!! I still feel at times inadequate, angry over it all, lonely, wished I was married, I still struggle a lot with trusting, especially men BUT God has provided for me. He has given me great friends who I can spend time with for companionship, for comfort, for hope, encouragement, a great church family and a since of belonging to His family. Is it easy, not always, am I always happy, no, but I have finally found peace with being outside both the traditional hetoresexual family and the homosexual family. For me, there is a third family and that is God’s and I am ok with that and finally ok with me.

        None of us get all we want in life and none of us are happy with everything in our lives, but for me, God has given me what I need and continues to do so. I do believe the scripture is absolute, that is is true and if I am wrong, I have lost nothing, but if I am right, I have gained it all.

        This was only meant to encourage and to help.

        • Luke

          Thank you for sharing your heart, for having the courage to speak from a place of pain and sorrow. I believe we are all broken in some respects. I’m confident your words of encouragement will strengthen others. I celebrate your victory in Christ.

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